I am just in a funk y’all! I started this new blog to try and be of some encouragement to other Mommy bloggers out there, near and far, but today, I’m just not feeling it.
Sometimes, it’s ok to put your shower off and to ignore the laundry for a little bit while your kids are sleeping (at 8:30 in the morning) and just write what’s on your heart. I get in the funk about once every couple of months. I’m sure everyone does at one point in there lives.
A couple posts ago, I said that “right now, I am on a mountain…”. And I was. But I knew (just didn’t know when) that I would be knocked off of that mountain sooner or later. God didn’t promise me I’d stay on that mountain, He said there would be trials, too.
Your mind can do horrible things to you. And the worst thing you can do is think. Think about the past, or think too much into something that was said at random, or think too much into a gesture.
I’m not a well known person. I’m just well known in my own little world…with my family especially, with my friends, with social networkings sites…
Now I am just such an optimistic person and I try to offer upbeat advice and especially prayers as much as I can. I know that I used to be a pessimist. I know I used to vent on FB and I know I was in an extreme bad mood for 9 months out of the year last year while I was pregnant. On top of being pregnant, I was losing someone who was and will always remain so near and dear to my heart.
I can’t change what I have done in my past or what I have said in my past that may offend people. I can’t take back the sour taste I must have left in people’s mouths (family members included) when I was in a bad mood.
I was that one person that would wake up in a bad mood or someone would rub me the wrong way and I would let everyone know about it.
I was that person. A very negative person. Not a very strong person. I’ve always had my faith but I just didn’t use it right for lack of a better term.
I knew that I wanted to be an uplifting person and someone to help others through watching me live for Christ in hopes that one day, I will lead someone to Jesus or to calm an overwhelmed, stressful new mommy or even a 3rd or 4th time mommy down through my writing or even fb posts or just the way they see me interact with my kids when we are out and about.
My kids aren’t perfect. They cry, pitch fits, say mean things to me every now and then. They get their share of toys taken away and time outs. But over all, I hardly feel overwhelmed with my kids. Even when we are in the store and Noah doesn’t want to sit in his carseat that is attached to the buggy and I have to hold him while pushing that heavy buggy around. At the same time, Matthew wants to walk instead of sitting in the back of the buggy so I’m also making sure he keeps his hands on the buggy. It gets pretty chaotic at times. But I am just so thankful through it all. Because I prayed for kids -boys at that- and so I am ready to tackle everything that comes with the package. I’m not saying I never get stressed because I do. I’m just saying that through Christ, I’m able to deal with it. 🙂
Back to what I was saying, I know the sour taste I have left in people’s mouths. I can’t change their opinions of me. But I sure can work as hard as I can to make sure I don’t give them anymore reasons to have a sour taste.
I am not trying to be a hypocrite by no means. I’m only human. I still vent and make people mad. I just limit the people I vent to and how often i do it and I try hard every day to make sure I am uplifting, even on bad days. This change was made thanks to God and Him alone. I knew I needed to change. I knew I wasn’t happy with the person I was becoming or the person others perceived me as. And I am so thankful that I have a Savior to turn to because He is the one that brought me up.
I am thankful for the people God has put in my path and in my every day life. No one has touched the love I have in my heart for the person I lost last year (no one died for the record). And no one ever will. But God has shown me how to accept new friendships and how to have friendships through Him again. And now that I see how everything is unfolding, I know that God was preparing me for something bigger. I am finally finding my purpose in this little life of mine. God has laid the path for me and I am willing to take it.
Some days are harder than others. When I started this post, I was in a funk but maybe this is what I needed. Because I am ready to tackle my day now. I am a work in progress. It’s an uphill battle. There are aspects about my spiritual life that I’d like to change and I know that as long as I keep going and working for God that it will change.
I just want to be uplifting and for my boys to look at me and see a strong Mommy. A happy Mommy. A spiritual Mommy. A fun Mommy.
And as for my husband, I want him to look at me and see the same things. Words can’t express what God has done in my marriage just by the works He has done in me. Who would have thunk?! I actually needed to change somethings about myself to see a change in my marriage?! Something for every married person to think about. 😉
Bottom line is, I am thankful, so very thankful for the wife, mother, and friend God has instilled in me. It’s not easy and it’s something I work hard for each and every day. But by His grace alone, I will succeed.
Thank you for reading. 🙂