If I was the person I am today, back then…

So now I have a knee problem. Typical when I want to work out and start gettin’ healthy again. Every. Single. Time. It never fails, every time I start working out again, SOMETHING happens that hinders my progress. But I’m scrappy so it never keeps me down for long. But my knee kinda scares me this time. Not exactly sure what’s going on with it so please help me pray over it. No, I have not prayed over it yet (to be honest) but I will definitely include it in my daily prayers. πŸ˜‰

We spent the weekend with David’s Mema and took her to the Drive In on Saturday night. It was a neat experience. It was M & N’s 1st Drive In experience. I can honestly say that N didn’t really care too much but M loved it! Turbo & Grown Ups 2 were great movies. Grown ups 2 was actually “stupid funny” in my words… Two movies for 5 people for $15 ain’t bad at all!

So I had a dream over the weekend that got me thinking and brought back old feelings and what not. While I won’t disclose the contents of my dream, I WILL tell you what I got out of it. This may come out a lil choppy yet raw but some of you will know exactly what I’m talking about. I’m not sharing this for any reason other than trying to make sense of it and to help…myself…

If only 3-4 years ago I was the person I am now…As strong minded, smart, assertive, non passive, real, not naive, and the list just goes on…I would have been a better friend, daughter, wife, and in some cases, mother. Or not have been as jealous or territorial as I was. And possibly, I would not have lost certain relationships or hurt a few of them that I still have.

I look at my friendships now and see how much different they are to ones I’ve had and lost in the past. There could be a number of reasons. But one reason that I’m taking out of it is, for the most part, they are centered around God. I don’t believe that these *new* friendships just happened into my life. I believe that they were developed because I prayed that God would put people that I needed in my life. I am just so thankful to have these people in my life that I’m not focused on having that one person to call my best friend. I’m just having fun and thanking God and basking in His glory. And in any moment, He can take them back. I’m have a little bit of a spiritual battle again but I know if I keep leaning on God, He will pull me out. Because like the song says, I’ve come too far to look back. πŸ™‚

While I said the above and it does hold true, I’d also like to say something else… Sometimes I WISH I was the person I am today, 4 years ago. Because my new friendships that started back then and have since taken a couple turns for the worse could have survived. But I can’t keep playing the what-if game. If you ever meant ANYTHING to me or if you’ve ever gotten under my skin, you will always be in my heart. I will always love you and some of you will never be replaced. And I DO wish that I would have been the person I am now, back then. And this goes for anyone I’ve ever hurt or pushed to the side or made them feel less important to me. Because you all are very important to me and I thank God for you.

I knew this would be choppy and I *thought* certain people would know exactly what I’m talking about but now that I am done writing, I’m not so sure it even makes sense… This is also very personal (more personal than I’ve been in a long time) and its definitely a lil raw. Hope this doesn’t hurt anyone and I surely hope it helps you! Love you all!


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