Be still.

My blogging has been very few and far between lately. Like for half a year lately. I guess I have just gotten busy, which is an understatement. And I feel like I post enough on social media lately that there is really nothing new to tell. And I guess I’ve lost the vision in which I wanted for my blog over the months. I know that originally, I wanted to use this blog to inspire other moms. To let them know that they are doing a great job. Even on the hard days. And I wanted to use this blog to ultimately brag about my hard day and easy day and to ultimately celebrate motherhood. And even if I inspired just one person, I was OK with that. I guess I still am. I know I am. Because someone, somewhere out there needs to hear some encouragement. Whether it’s a total stranger or someone I know. And I have just lost my drive, I guess.

I need encouragement myself. I, myself, have stopped reading blogs. I just never have enough time. I get lonely during the day sometimes when it’s just me and the kids. And so when I have a free moment from diaper changing, making lunches, filling sippy cups, giving snacks, preventing one kid from stealing a toy from another, cleaning messes, giving naps, editing pictures from my photography sessions and sometimes, creating new things for my very slow growing photography business, I usually lose myself in social media. Or my newest guilty pleasure, Clash of Clans. My husband got me hooked.

As hard as some of these days are, I am so in love with this chapter of my life. Because I look at these precious babies and KNOW that when I look back on this time, it will be of a distant memory. Memories that will be held so dear in my heart. And I will long for them again. These babies are so precious. Just to be clear, I only have 2 boy on the outside and one growing boy on the inside (27 weeks) and he is currently saying HEY. =) Kicking hey?…. But I also babysit. So when I say “all of my babies”, I am not only speaking of just mine.

And I just look at them sitting there watching Super Why on Netflix at the moment and they are just so into it. Their mouths hung open and they are just absorbing every single word that is being said. It’s such a precious time for them. One minute they will have me about to pull my hair out and the next minute, they are looking up at me with such an adorable cheesy grin that just makes my heart skip a beat or 2.

A few things have changed in my daily life. We are a 1 car family at the moment so I am confined to just the house 5 days a week. Minus the hour I leave once a week (sometimes 2) when my husband gets home so I can go grab some groceries. And I guess that I have become somewhat envious of other moms who get to leave their house whenever they want or need to. And I guess I can too, when my husband leaves. Or on the weekends. But those times/days are supposed to be for family-time. So we are usually spending time doing family stuff. But I kinda miss the random play dates. Or the random yogurt stops to treat the kids. Or the random shopping runs, just because.

But I’ve had to remind myself and fully make myself understand that this may not be where I think I need to be right now but it’s where I am supposed to be. And I am here, writing this part of my story for a reason. And so I’ve learned to embrace it. And I know that we’ll eventually be able to afford and extra family car. But right now, I need to keep focused on what I have right in front of me instead of comparing myself to what used to be or comparing myself to other mom’s lives. These kids love ME just the way I am. And I am thankful beyond measure that I get to share this journey, this chapter in my life, with them.

Thank you for reading.

“What is normal anyway…”

Within the past few months, I feel like I have failed as a mom. Normally judgment from other “perfect” moms (or non-moms) don’t really bother me but I can’t seem to shake them lately.

My 5 yr old has been going through a few life changes since he started Kindergarten. The biggest is just that. He started Kindergarten and his life has essentially been turned upside down. All of a sudden, there was permanent structure in his little life. I’ll admit that I have never been one to keep consistent structure in his life because my own life isn’t structured. I’m horrible. Having preK at home did help a lot with structure on his and my part. It held us accountable and forced us to be on a schedule. 😉

So with that and the constant “new people” in his life, having a new person to answer to (new person being his teacher); life changed big time for my little man. I mean, it really puts a lot on him not wanting to turn his card. And so far, he’s only had to turn 1 card all first semester. 😉

That’s my boy!

But he has been home with me now for the past 2 week for Christmas break. I have been spoiled having him home, even though I did share him with a few family members. I am not ready to get back to the grind of things.

I almost forgot my opening statement.

So with all that said, with all these changes, he’s had a little attitude change as well. It seems that out of no where, my sweet baby learned how to talk back. And *try* to talk his way out of and into things. I feel like we are raising a teenager at times and I want to ground him from his car!!!! Parenting has gotten tough in just a short amount of time. I mean, it’s never been easy but this is something we’ve never experienced at parents. And honestly, we probably thought we wouldn’t go through this phase for another 10 years. Ha!

But each thing we go through is teaching us and molding us. The experiences are there for us to look back on. To reflect on. And to become better parents because of.

I just want what’s best for my boys and I want it so much it hurts. And this whole raising little people thing is scary because you just don’t know what will come of it. You won’t know how they’ll turn out for several years. And you won’t know how badly you either screwed up or how awesome you were/are until that day comes when they start becoming their own person.

And I know that no matter who they turn into, I will love them unconditionally. And I can only pray to God above that I’m at least doing something right. They love me more than anyone so obviously I am. 😉

Thanks for reading! Happy New Year!