Out with the old (holiday), in with the new.

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So we had an awesome time last weekend with some friends. Fall festival type thing then a pumpkin patch. Costumes, candy, pumpkin carving, walking, and being with our loved ones. So much to be thankful for. Truly blessed mama over here. 😉

Now that today is Halloween, my Christmas season starts tomorrow. I have already started gearing the boys up for it today. Already got my Christmas album set up on my phone and already listened to it a few times. Yay!

They see me rollin’…

Both of my front windows roll down!!!

Even the back ones…and it’s a minivan.

I have headlights that work. Well! Both of them.

What?! My air AND heat works?! Both within the same season?! And we don’t have to open or close the vent flappy thingy every 6 months?!

I can listen to my radio, iPod, or CD at any given time.

I can charge my iPod while it plays.

Need more space? No problem, I’ll just stow one or all of my back seat. 😉

Need a ride?! Well, hop right in. There is plenty of room.

What?! I can lock my doors from INSIDE my house?!

AND I can OPEN and CLOSE my doors from INSIDE my house?!

The list just goes on and on.

But for real though, it has been almost 2 months and I still thank God for this AMAZING blessing every chance I get. You see, I’ve never owned a car that’s younger than my kids. Or a car that’s younger than my 10 year old nephew. All of these luxuries are probably nothing to some of you but to me, it’s like a whole new way of living. We have driven cars that were literally falling apart for the entire time I’ve been driving. As a teenager. So this is such a wonderful blessing to us.

We have detailed it already. And we have vacuumed it out more times in 2 months than we ever vacuumed our old cars in a 5 year time period. I don’t think I’m even exaggerating by much.

Anyway, I’m not saying all of this to brag. I’m just 100% THANKFUL that our car doesn’t make noises when it’s driving down the road or that if we smell a bad smoke smell, we do t immediately think it’s us. lol

I wish that everyone could drive a nicer car. It would make the world a much safer place, that’s for sure. 😉

He is right on time!!!

When He’s 4 days late, He’s still on time. What an amazing song! 

This song is so special to me today and has been since I found out I was pregnant with N. David and I had been trying for a baby since nearly around the time I stopped nursing M. The day of M’s 3rd birthday party, we found out we were pregnant with what would have been our 2nd baby. But just a few days later, God took him or her from us and there we were. We were both sad but I knew that this was all part of God’s greater plan for us. So I will never forget that baby. It was a part of me and always will be but I didn’t dwell on it. I healed from that loss. Of course, I will never heal completely but I’m OK with it. I understand it. God wasn’t ready for our family to grow yet. We weren’t ready to grow as a family.

Looking back, I know that God needed me to change in ways I couldn’t do on my own. But almost 9 months later, He gave us N. I still had growing to do and I was in the process of a new lifestyle change myself. I thought that it wasn’t the right time in my life to have a baby yet since I am trying to lose weight and get healthier. Don’t get me wrong, I was tickled pink. Beyond thrilled to be having another baby and to give M what I feel that he so desperately wanted, a new brother or sister. But it was God’s plan for us. I didn’t understand it. I didn’t know why but I trusted Him. And I knew that this wonderful gift from Him was given to us at just the right time. He didn’t give him to us when we asked for it. Or when we thought we needed him. God knew better. He waited until we were ready. And it all became clear to me one morning when I was getting dressed while listening to my gospel music. This song was playing “Lazarus come Forth” is what it shows on my ipod. He is not late, He is not early, He is right on time. So then, I knew that God put N in my life when I needed him. And that still holds true today.  Because they person I am today is SO not the person I was a year ago or even 2 years ago. N is my life saver. =) And every time I hear this song, I think about that day that my pregnancy with N became so clear to me. And in turn I think about N and how much of a blessing he has been in just his 10 wonderful months of life. Such a blessing!!! I know that M is gonna do great things in this lil life of his and I know N will also. I can feel it. N is a special kind of boy and I am just so thrilled to be both of my boy’s mama. =)

 

God’s plan

“Remember this important fact about God. He never asks anything of us to make Himself look better. The demands He makes on our lives are NEVER for His personal gain. We cannot make Him any more God than He already is. He would be no less Lord of lords if no one believed.“-Beth Moore in the Living beyond Yourself Fruits of the spirit workbook.

“He would be no less Lord of lords if no one believed.” These words really spoke to me last night in Bible study. I believe that if NO ONE believed in Him, Jesus would have still carried that cross up that hill. He would have STILL endured the beating and humiliation He endured. He would have still been nailed to that cross. He would have still let His mama watch Him die for us…for ME. Because He had a purpose. He came to save US from this old sinful world.  This man did all of that for US. And because He loves us unconditionally and He proves it time and time again, He suffered and died. He suffered and died. I know I sound a lil redundant but I am in awe of such an amazing Man. He knew that this world would reject Him, mock Him, and deny Him. But He endured all of that pain anyway. He grew that tree that He knew would be made to build the old rugged cross as the song says. Let’s keep going…Nothing took His life. With love He gave it. He was crucified on a tree that He created. Wow!!!! What an amazing spirit there is this morning. 

I had plans to write about the specifics of my Bible study last night and how my mind was completely blown but it looks like God had other plans. But just an idea about last night. My Bible study partner and I are doing a work book on the Fruits of the Spirit with Beth Moore and we work independently then talk about what we have read and studied on. And well, I don’t really make as much time as I should to do my book so we are on different sections of the book. But by the time we decided to call if quits for the night, my heart was full. My brain was content. God’s spirit was in overdrive. But He gave me exactly what I needed last night. And just knowing that I needed it SO badly and the way it was shown to me, my mind was absolutely blown. What a wonderful God we serve! He is right on time. And right on point as well. 

Thank you for reading. I hope this post will be a blessing to you in some way.

4 year old’s lesson on spiders

Yesterday, my mom sent me a recording via text of my 4 yr old singing “Jesus Loves Me” back when he first started making sentences and singing songs. So you can only imagine how freakin’ adorable that was. I’m not sure of his actual age but it was so stickin’ sweet that my heart was about to explode.

So hearing that sweet sound coming from my phone made me a lil sad…extremely happy…but sad. He is just getting so big. Too fast. Before I know it, he will be in Kindergarten, then going off to college. I can’t even take it. lol

I mean, I love the now but I miss him when he was still a baby. Now, he is old enough to steal my heart in other ways. Last night, on the ride home from our friend’s house, the topic of conversation was spiders. Seriously. Funny. Stuff. I wish I would have documented it as it was going on because I can’t remember much about it today.

Something about spiders…orange and yellow ones…they don’t jump on you if they are in the web, they only jump on you if they are just sitting there. And they don’t bite you…they just sit there.

He was giving us a lesson on spiders. 😉 Oh and one of my favorite quotes from last night, which had me and my husband literally rolling, was “if you walk by, they won’t jump on you, they just chill there in the web”. I swear, it was funnier when he said it. haha

But you get the picture. He is simply one amazing 4 year old who I am so very thankful for and my life would not be the same with out him. So I will continue to cherish these moments. I’m trying not to blink. 😉

transparent seems to be my word of choice. Let’s get personal!

I haven’t really spoken from my whole heart in a very long time. I have become this person who is afraid to hurt other people’s feelings and/or start that “D” word that everyone loves, Drama. I used to speak from my heart all the time. And I have lost friends and respect from others due to that. But it’s mostly because it’s not the fact that I speak from my heart, it’s the way I say it. And sometimes, my words and tone can be harsh. Really harsh and I used to not understand why people didn’t see things my way. I knew what was in my heart. I knew that I meant no harm. I used to be transparent to nearly everyone. There wasn’t much that everyone didn’t know about me. Mostly due to social media.

 But a few things play a factor in this change in me. I am, by nature, transparent. I don’t mind at all that people know how I feel about any subject or how they have made me feel. And I don’t care if you know my “secrets”. I don’t have many secrets but the ones I DO have will remain just that- a secret. I would rather people know what is on my mind so that there is no question.

But due to some instances, I am no longer like that. Or I am LESS like that. It is not fun losing friends or having “troubled friendships” due to being SO transparent that you annoy people. And it is NO fun picking up the pieces after breaking someone’s heart because you vented about them on social media. Especially those pieces of someone you love more than anyone in the world (aside from your children).

Since I am an “It’s either hot or cold”, black or white” type of girl. In other words, it is or it isn’t. No in between. So instead of me adjusting the WAY I was transparent, I stopped being transparent all together and I stopped opening up to nearly anyone for the longest time. And I have to tell you that being pregnant and not having  anyone to vent to is one of the hardest things I’ve ever endured. Lol

But of course, I prayed for God to put people in my life that I NEEDED. I knew who I WANTED in my life and that just wasn’t going to happen. Not right now. I have work to do and MAYBE, just maybe sometime in the future, God can trust me with that friendship again. But I still have growing to do. I honestly didn’t see this prayer being answered for a very long time. Like, I didn’t see myself opening up to anyone again. At all. Even a little bit. But little by little, God showed me that it’s ok to be REAL with people. Not everything has to be perfect all the time. It’s ok to show people that you are having a bad day. BUT there is a way to do it. There is a way to say it and a way that maybe it shouldn’t be said. And I just had to find that happy medium.

I think of it like this. A bank has a vault that I’m sure several different people have just ONE number to the code. Not one person has all the numbers to the code in order to open the vault. So that’s how I have to be. It is never a good idea to be 100% transparent to anyone except for your husband and likewise, him with you. But eventually, I do believe that God will help me to trust the way I used to. I just have to trust in Him first. And that is the hard part but I can do it. I want to do it. I NEED to do it. I NEED Him in my heart and life always. 100%.

Thus far, God has placed a couple people in my life who have helped me during my “healing” and growing. While neither of them knows that I have been battling trust issues, they have helped me so much. Just having someone there and you know they are praying for you. That they are there to support you and want to see you succeed. They want to see you continue to become a better person than you were yesterday. My husband does all of this but it’s also nice having a friend there too.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again that I have suffered a loss of a best friend before and it helps me to talk about it. And I’m sure that if she still reads my blogs that she is tired of me talking about it (sorry :-(). Lol  But I have said that she will never be replaced and that still holds true. She will never be. However, I can still heal from the things that went wrong in that friendship. I CAN trust again. Healing takes time. I have grown since then. I am a different person now and so is she. We are better people and that’s why I think that if we rekindle this friendship we had, it will all be done by the works of God. Because I think He just needed to see us be live our lives centered around Him instead of each other. For the record, she is an amazing person. And I still love her. Ok, I will stop now.

But I said the above paragraph to say that I have learned how to be a friend. And so I will be the best one I can be. I will be transparent again. I will speak from my heart. I will be raw. And I wont take any of my new friendships or relationships for granted. Ever. And I will pray over each one. And be completely thankful. So please, stay tuned because the raw, transparent Jonie has been unleashed. I’ll try not to make you hate me too much. lol

It feels like this is babble and kinda all over the place. Sorry. It’s kinda like my diary so at least I understand it. 

Changes in life will happen

Changes in life will happen.

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